Friday, September 11, 2009

Week 6, Day 2: The Bad and The Ugly

I finished today's run as written: 5 minute walk/10 minute run/3 minute walk/10 minute run, but I don't feel pride or accomplishment or relief. I feel fat and slow and like I could be doing permanent long term damage to my knees. I haven't lost any weight since I've started, and my running pace hasn't gotten any faster. I'm running slower than most people walk. Part of me thinks that even if I quit today, I wouldn't be disappointed in myself since I feel like this whole program is not worth it anyway.

I'm not fond of this post, but I'm leaving it in anyway because I said I'd blog honestly about each and every run. Here's to hoping the 25 minute run on W6D3 will be awe-inspiring.


  1. Hi Effie,

    Sounds like you're in a great big nasty, dirty psychological rut right now. Can't help but wonder what else is happening in your life that's got you so downcast all of a sudden?

    I don't know much about your situation and my life experience is hardly extensive but I do know that in any journey there are lots of valleys in amongst the hills.

    Losing weight and getting fit is a huge challenge. This is something I do understand, having lost just under 20kg in the last 16 months. There is a plethora of negative psychology that needs to be overcome and modified along the way, some of which is very deeply and strongly rooted.

    In terms of C25K, it is important to put everything into perspective. C25K is a beginner's plan. It isn't meant to create a marathon runner with awesome sprinting ability in lightening fast time. It is about increasing cardiovascular & musculoskeletal capacity, efficiency and endurance. Theoretically, so that by the end of nine weeks you can run for 30 minutes and possibly 5K. It is about getting you off the tricycle and on to the bicycle with training wheels to get your started.

    Just because it is a beginners program also doesn't mean that you won't experience vast valleys along the way. If you think back to any long term goal you'll realise that there are times when it feels like you've slipped down the hill and have to work back up to the start line before making progress forward. This is absolutely no different.

    Also, remember that this is YOUR journey. Don't compare yourself with other people. You say "I'm running slower than most people walk." Who cares about most people? Their situations are different. If you are overweight or have other health problems, your body is going to behave differently. It is fine to want more... that's ambition. It is not fine to forget about looking about your own progress and what YOU have achieved. If you have to work harder than "most people", so what? It makes your success of so much greater value at the end of the day. Screw them all... you are the most important person in this game!

    Quitting is easy. Justifying quitting with negative self talk is easy. It is an old habit and a bad habit. The decision to succeed lies squarely with you and your ability to put things into perspective.

    I think you are doing an awesome job. I think that everyone else who is reading your blog thinks the same thing. Look for your inspiration from within and just keep slogging. If you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you've got no choice but to go forward.

  2. This isn't about weight loss, this is about fitness... you are doing things now your body couldn't have had a chance of doing 5 weeks ago.

    Weight loss is about calorie consumption, calorie burn, and cross-training. C25K is no a major calorie burner, but it's making your body fitter. Step up cross training and you're way more likely to beef up the metabolism and lose weight.

  3. I haven't lost any weight either. It can be very discouraging at times. Dont' give up though. If you have to take a break, and maybe walk for a week or two to see if your knees get better. I wish you the best!! You've already amazed me at the races you've completed in the past! :)

  4. You are doing great!! Just getting out there is the hardest part!! Keep up the wonderful work you can do this!!

  5. Keep going! You've been an inspiration for me! I read your first few blog posts and decided to try this myself. I finished W4D1 yesterday, but my pace is really slow, an no weight loss either. But I'm in this to jog/run an entire 5k when I've never run more than a mile. So go back and read your beginning posts, download a new song or two for that 25 minute run, then come back and tell me it's not as terrifying/painful/etc. as it sounds right now. :)

    Your cousin Lisa

  6. Thank you, ALL of you, for your kind words.

    Gift of Isis - Wow, your comment was therapeutic. Do YOU want to be my shrink?
    Eric - you're always a great motivator, and thanks for giving it to me straight. I know that, but needed to hear it again.
    Carolina Girl & Stacy - Thanks for reading my blog and encouraging me, you have no idea how much your comments really help.
    And my cousin Lisa! I can't believe you are on W4 and didn't even tell me you were doing this! That is awesome, and I think I have the fire I need to keep this blog burning on through week 9.